Caregiver

Accompaniment begins with agency

When someone tells us about violence, the instinct to help can quickly become an instinct to direct. Often the more important work is to listen, believe, preserve choice and resist imposing a timetable.

This section offers language and practical guidance for family, friends, clergy, clinicians and others who want to walk beside someone without deciding where the path should lead.

What helps, what can harm

Orientation for supporters

What tends to help

Listening without needing to fix

Believing what you're told, the first time

Letting them set the pace and the timetable

Asking what kind of support they want, rather than assuming

What can unintentionally harm

Pushing for details before someone is ready to share them

Urging forgiveness, closure, or a fixed timeline for healing

Taking over decisions that are theirs to make

Treating one conversation as the end of the support they need

Want to go deeper?

Practical tools and downloadable guidance

Browse resources

On Paths We Do Not Choose

Sacred steps on the unexpected journey through domestic and sexual violence.

About the author

Rabbi Ellis Griffith — rabbigriffith.info